I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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