Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize