Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
