dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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