just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
