why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
