We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
