i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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