thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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