pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
