a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just had sex on a roof
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
