What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
