I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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