return my video game
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
