Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I am naked and annoyed.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
