tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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