so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So many bounce houses so little time
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
