is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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