We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
