Welp...herpes.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
