At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
