are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
