My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
