well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
