When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
