i think my tv is drunk
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize