I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize