tell your sister to shave her snatch
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
