Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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