My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Randomize
