Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
