It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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