dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
