If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
