New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What drink are we having for lunch?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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