One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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