Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
