Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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