So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
