that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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