dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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