i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
