we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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