This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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