And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
