I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
