Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
