mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
