So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
