Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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