So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
