from now on my penis is your penis
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
no you cant smoke seaweed
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
