How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
