yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize