M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
