It's just like the Real World with babies
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
