Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
