Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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