in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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