Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
