Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
