i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
