youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
