would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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