life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
