He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
