wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
