ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
