dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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