im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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