just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
