Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
