Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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