M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
