i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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