is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
