he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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