I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
