first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
