worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
