I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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