Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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