Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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