everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
