Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize