I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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