i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
