I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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