i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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